The Great Joy of Giving

In the first part of this series, Hoong Ling was asked about organ donation and her life, why she donates part of a her liver to someone she didn't even know and what are her future plans - both in organ donation awareness campaigns and her life.

In this part - we will look at her emotions attached to this feat in giving part of her liver away. Was she scared? Is Hoong Ling so courageous or did she fight the battle with fear? Let's here from Hoong Ling.

Taste of rojak in life

Do you know rojak - a Malaysia delicacy with a mix of cut fruits with savoury black sauce. A refreshing dessert - sweet, sometimes spicy, sour, tasty and also crunchy if you add prawn crackers into it! The journey to part with 60% of my liver is just that - rojak! I was happy with the opportunity to perform yet another duty to mankind, then I was confused with the procedures. After that it was anxiety and then it was doubt. Further on, it was affirmed in my mind that I should proceed and then it was joy. However, along with it came worries, pain, depression and finally, happiness! The joy of giving - to end the story.

The surprise and naive

I saw the email asking for assistance and reading it quickly, I thought blood was needed. As I sms-ed the email sender, the reply came that "Yes, is needed... but not blood, is liver!"

"Oh! I thought to myself... liver!" and then back to the email, I reread - indeed, they needed liver.

"Well, why not?" so I replied to say yes, I could help. To cut the story short, I asked how long will the operations and procedures take. Well operation and hospitalization will take a total of 10 days. That's the question I asked so that's the answer. So, I took 10 days leave from my company to proceed. 10 days! Yes, how naive to think such an operation only take 10 days and I could start work on the 11th.

Something deeply rooted in my heart

First thing first. I signed the organ pledge form at the age of 13 and since then I made a vow that I will part with my organs even when I am alive if needed to save a life. Now, 15 years later the opportunity came. Something in me calls that I do it and do it, I must because is a life that is concern.

I found no reason why I must do it because it was something deeply rooted in my heart, a vow made 15 years ago and a cause I lived with. Yet, at the same time, I find no reasons why I must NOT do it. I lived by the motto to try out everything as long as it will not bring me death or harm. Yes, there is a slight percentage of death risk but it deter me not when saving a life is concern.

Doubtful and the decision making... the greatest lesson in my life

In life, we have problems. My journey has not been smooth sailing in terms of emotions. As human we live in emotions and I am not spared. I was doubtful with my decision mid way. Although I knew I must do it but some "rascals" in me just can't stop asking me to relook at my decision!

What made me rethink, I have reflected but I have yet to know. Somehow, it was a twist of fortune when I met my good friend, Kok. As Buddhists, both of us discussed in the Buddhism point of view. He took efforts to lecture me with an hour of his time. At the end of the conversation, I knew I MUST DO IT. The decision making part is by far, the most important in this journey.

More to it, I have affirmed my decision to do it no matter what. This trait has changed myself totally. I find that this experience teaches me the greatest lesson in my life. Eventually now, when I want to write my book to promote organ donation awareness, I write my plan, do it, gather a team to make it through, live with the difficulties and find ways through it and most importantly, I will succeed with it. The old Hoong Ling was not like this - she would think of a great idea, idle with it and nothing happens!

Long wait - I was tired

Email came in November 2008, all health checks done in December and then date was fixed on 2nd January 2009. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, the date was postponed to 12th January 2009 and then I was sick, so further postponed to 14th January 2009. With all the postponing of dates, I was already very tired of waiting. How I wished all these anxieties I had will eventually end soon. At that point of time, I realised how strong the Lee family is and how they have fought a battle together with An Qi (the recipient of my liver) for more than half a year. Yet, the journey has not ended with just a transplant.

Anxiety, the unseen forces

I may not know exactly if it was anxiety but things just happened. When I reflected, I figured out that anxiety could be the culprit. I would hide myself in the room while in Singapore to play games non-stop even till midnight. At times, I felt I won't talk but most of the time I laughed myself out so that I could release the tension. I also find myself being quiet, did a lot of thinking and even got sick before the operation. My mom suspected it was pre-operation anxiety.

Post operation - the pain, discovery of Mercedes and lack of energy

The pain was alright as there is pain management especially with morphine supply to a press of a button. It was also awful to discover the Mercedes to be such a large one. Yet, I have never regretted my decision in saving a life. The operation has also drained my energy. As my breaths were shallow, so were my words. I could not speak loud. For a talkative person like me, a slight prevention from talking could mean a part of my life. So I just continued with my passion to talk - patiently answering all questions visitors would ask.

Depression

It wasn't long after the operation that I realised moments of depression. During recovery, I have my fun-filled aunts always filling my recovery days with laughters. However, back home and especially when started work, I felt minor depression in myself. The discovery of lesser name cards collected in events I attended as well as the fact that I started less conversations as compared to before operation. I also felt a strong defensive act when I am outside - my arms would protect my abdomen with the fear of people bumping into me. However, having more time for myself, reflections and meditation helped to overcome this period of time.

To make it worse, I was somehow being seen as running from responsibility for a project I was doing before the operation. Eventually, as I found out that the team did not need me anymore, I felt devastated. It was a project of my passion and I had a lot of heart in it - being "not needed" in such a project made the depression even deeper.

The great joy of giving

Nothing beats the joy of giving. You can wake up and be happy with what you have, contented with what you can be today but nothing really could beat the joy that you have saved a life. I was once asked how does it feel like after saving a life - my answer is simple, "Why not you try it yourself?"

It is indescribeable, no words can replace the great JOY of giving and nothing can demonstrate that feeling. Yet it is real, genuine and true when you have done it - to save a life and most importantly, to give part of yourself to do it.

It was an article on "The Joy of Giving" I read some 15 years ago which inspired my action and fighting for the cause in organ donation. 15 years later, I now truly know how it feels like and what makes the world so enjoyable when you have joy.

I do not believe in giving when you are rich or when you gain enough wealth in material gains. I believe everyone has the ability to give, in small ways or big, and savour the JOY of giving.

My anger

People have questioned my motive in this liver transplant. As I also enjoyed the limelight with frequent newspaper reports on me (who would not be happy when you are in the news!? Weird people!), some people said that I did this for the sake of making the news.

Oh, come on! Would you cut yourself open just to make the news? Let me trade with you - you do this and I make sure every single newspaper writes on you and all national televisions feature this story. Will you do it? Think of it sensibly, I refused to be interviewed again after the first news report on me was published. Why? Because the feature story was all about me and not on organ donation. Yet, many also feedbacked that my story helped encourage organ pledge, so I obliged with the rest of the interview requests - with a single objective - to spread organ donation awareness.

My celebrity idol said that "when you are famous, the cause that you promote will speak louder" and I believe it could do just that. So, why not be famous and fight the cause or would you rather fight the cause alone that no one even know of the cause because no one even knows who is speaking?

It also angers me when people keep saying "Wow you are great!" instead of "Wow, I want to do this, too." The anger comes in a good way - I have a strong will to make people say the latter instead of putting praises on me. It drives me to work harder in the cause, further encouraging me to start writing a book with the objective of inspiring actions to pledge organs. Now, I am doing just that!